60+ Hilarious Christmas Jokes and Puns to Get you Laughing

1. What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It's Christmas Eve!
2. What did the naughty soccer announcer get from Santa Claus? COOOOOOOAAAALLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!
3. How is Christmas exactly like your job? You do all the work, and some fat guy in a suit gets all the credit.
4. What do the little helpers of Santa learn when they first go to school? They learn the elf-abets.
5. Did you hear about the brand-new Christmas newspaper? It’s “The Herald-Angels Sing.”
6. Why don’t you ever see Santa in a hospital? Because he has private elf care.
7. Why was the candy cane so expensive? It was in mint condition.
8. What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby? Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!
9. Why is Santa afraid of getting stuck in a chimney? He has Claus-trophobia.
10. What is the best Christmas present you can get anyone? A broken drum because you just can't beat it.
11. What is it called when a snowman has a temper tantrum? A meltdown.
12. Why does Santa have three gardens? So he can ho ho ho.
13. How did Mary and Joseph know Jesus’ weight when he was born? They had a weigh with a manger.
14. What did Santa and his wife do when they wanted to split up but couldn’t find a divorce lawyer in the North Pole?
15. How can Santa deliver presents during a thunderstorm? His sleigh is flown by rain-deer.
16. What does Santa do when his elves misbehave? He gives them the sack.
17. Why did Santa Claus get a parking ticket on Christmas Eve? He left his sleigh in a snow parking zone.
18. What did the reindeer say before telling a joke to the comedy show? He said, "This one's going to sleigh you."
19. What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus.
20. How did Scrooge win the football game? The ghost of Christmas passed.
21. Who is a Christmas tree’s favorite singer? Spruce Springsteen!
22. How do the elves clean Santa’s sleigh on the day after Christmas? They use Santa-tizer.
23. What nationality is Santa Claus? North Polish.
24. How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? Nothing. It was on the house.
25. What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas? Cross-mouse cards!
26. What do you call Santa’s little helpers? Subordinate clauses.
27. How can you tell that Santa is real? You can always sense his presents.
28. Who’s Santa’s favorite singer? Elfish Presley.
29. Why will Santa go down your chimney on Christmas Eve? Because it soots him.
30. How do you wash your hands over the holiday? With Santa-tizer

1. Which former president planted the most Christmas trees? Wood-row Wilson
2. What do snowmen like to do on the weekend? Chill out.
3. What’s the difference between Santa’s reindeer and a knight? One slays the dragon, and the other’s draggin’ the sleigh.
4. What do they sing to Christmas trees at their retirement parties? Fir he’s a jolly good fellow, fir he’s a jolly good fellow…
5. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Interrupting Santa. Inter– Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas!
6. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Snow. Snow who? Snow time to waste. It’s almost Christmas!
7. My friend just won the tallest Christmas tree competition. I thought to myself, ‘How can you top that?’
8. What did Santa say to the smoker? Please don’t smoke, it’s bad for my elf!'
9. What happened to the thief who stole a Christmas calendar? He got 12 months.
10. What’s the difference between Santa Clause and a knight? One slays a dragon, the other drag a sleigh
11. What did the elf on the shelf dress up as for Halloween? Prankenstein.
12. What’s as big as a Christmas tree but is lighter than a feather? Its shadow.
13. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Ho Ho. Ho Ho, who? Your Santa impression needs a little work!
14. Why are Christmas trees so bad at knitting? They have too many needles.
15. Why was the Christmas tree hosting the award show? He knew how to present.

Laughing is medicine, so here are some more Christmas Jokes

1. What did the Christmas tree do after its bank closed? It started his branch.
2. How do you know Santa Claus is good at karate? He has a black belt.
3. Why did the Christmas tree go to the dentist? It needed a root canal!
4. How do elves get to the top floor of Santa’s workshop? The elf-evator.
5. What does a grumpy sheep say when his friends tell him Merry Christmas? Baaaa humbug!
6. What did Luke Skywalker say after he planted a Christmas tree farm? May the forest be with you!
7. Watch where you light the Christmas candles this year—you don’t want Santa to become Krisp Kringle
8. How did the two rival Christmas trees get along? They signed a peace tree-ty!
9. What do you get when you cross a pig and Christmas tree lights? A porcupine.
10. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
11. How do Christmas trees get ready for a night out? They spruce up!
12. Why didn’t Rudolph make the honor roll in school this term? Because he went down in history.
13. What was the Christmas tree’s favorite shape? A tree-angle!
14. Where do Santa’s reindeer stop for ice cream when their job is done? Deery Queen.
15. What is a Christmas tree's favorite candy? Orna-mints!

1.  Sleigh, it ain’t so!
2. Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past? Because the present's beneath them.
3. Single bells, single bells, single all the way!
4.  Make it rein, deer.
5. What month does a Christmas tree hate the most? Sep-timber!
6. Don’t mind the resting Grinch face.
7. Why does Drake love giving gifts? He’s good at wrapping!
8. It’s the most beautiful time for a beer!
9. Did you hear about what happened to the man who stole the advent calendar? He got 25 days.
10. Hold me closer, tiny Dancer!
11. What’s the best Christmas present in the world? A broken drum, you just can’t beat it.
12. The Christmas spirit soots you.
13. What action figure is made for Christmas? G.I. MistleJoe.
14. This hot chocolate is delicious. May I have some myrrh?
15. What do fish sing at Christmas time? Christmas corals!

Why not be a bit punnier

1. This Christmas is orna-meant to be the best one yet.
2. What did the beaver say to the Christmas Tree? Nice gnawing you!
3. You’re adorabell!
4. What did the mistletoe do when it went on an extended holiday? It took a leaf of absence.
5. Simply having an excellent Christmas thyme.
6. What do you call cutting down a Christmas tree? Christmas chopping!
7. That’s a wrap.
8. What do you call a search engine that sings Christmas songs? Michel Googlé.
9. I only have ice fir yule.
10. Here's a mistletoe-ken of my appreciation.
11. Who’s Santa’s favorite cartoon character? Chimney Cricket.
12. Baby, it’s coald outside.
13. What do elves cook in the kitchen? Utinsels.
14. He came, he thawed, he conquered
15. Why is everyone so thirsty at the North Pole? No well, no well.