20 Things You Should Discuss Before You Get Married

No matter if you are going to live together before or after marriage discussing living arrangements is vital for a smooth and happy experience. This includes decisions about moving in together, dividing responsibilities, and adjusting to shared living spaces. Likewise, it also includes considerations like city vs. suburb, type of housing, and lifestyle choices. Some questions can be:

Some questions can be:

• Where do you envision us living after we get married?
• Are you open to buying a house, renting an apartment, or living with family?
• What kind of neighborhood would you like to live in?
• How important is proximity to work, schools, or family?
• Are you open to relocating after marriage if any of us get transferred due to our careers?

These talks help both partners agree on their expectations, creating a common vision for their home. Plus, make sure to determine your non-negotiables and how to communicate them effectively to avoid conflicts.

Agree or not career can hugely impact a relationship. Especially if you are a workaholic and give a lot more importance to your job and career. Thus, discussing each other's career aspirations and how your careers may impact your lifestyle and future plans is important. Some questions can be:

• What are your long-term career aspirations?
• What do you hope to achieve in your chosen field?
• How do your individual career goals complement or support each other?
• How will you manage your careers together while maintaining a fulfilling personal relationship?
• How important is work-life balance to each of you?

Discussing these things helps you to check compatibility and also get you informed about each other's dedication. After discussing these questions, you might respect each other's job even more.

Couples need to respect each other's parents and relatives either before tying the knot or after. But then again there have to be some limits and what your in-laws can or can't expect from you. It will therefore be advisable if you discuss this aspect before the wedding. You can ask:

• How will you support each other when dealing with in-laws?
• What to do if there are problems with in-laws?
• What are the limits on how much in-laws can be involved in your life?
• How will you handle it if in-laws can be involved in your life?
• What are your expectations for visiting or communicating with in-laws?
• How do you visualize celebrating holidays and special occasions with your in-laws?
• How will you establish boundaries and expectations regarding in-laws' involvement in personal matters, such as child-bearing or household chores?

Remember that these discussions should be done with an open attitude and both must have a certain desire for a change. The motive of this discussion is to establish happy harmony while maintaining the relationship between the wife and husband.

Both of you may belong to the same religion or a different one discussing your religious beliefs and ways of practicing them may save you and your relationship from several conflicts. Here are some questions that you can ask your partner related to religion and spirituality.

• Does religion and spirituality matter to you?
• How do you practice religion and spirituality in your daily lives and family traditions?
• Are there any specific holidays or celebrations that hold significant importance to you?
• How do you visualize my involvement in your religious community?
• What are your thoughts about raising children in terms of religion or spirituality?

These questions about faith and spirituality bring a source of strength and harmony to your relationship. Open conversations on these topics can establish a foundation of mutual understanding, respect, and shared values between partners.

Consider your social preferences and how you'll balance time with friends and family versus alone time as a couple. Some people forget about their friends completely right after they get married but that's not the way. Humans need social life and friendships are as important as any other relationship. So ask these questions:

• How much time do you want to spend with your friends and family?
• How will you balance your social life with your marriage?
• What types of social activities do you enjoy doing together?
• How will you approach situations where your friends or your partner's friends may not get along well?
• How involved do you expect your friends to be in your personal life?
• How will you maintain connections with old friends while prioritizing your new life together?

Understanding each other's social needs and establishing certain boundaries for friends in your married life is crucial for all.

At first, you may feel awkward about this topic, as this is a personal matter. However, it's important to discuss your expectations for physical intimacy before getting married. Keep your hesitation aside and have open and honest conversations about your expectations, desires, and boundaries when it comes to sexual intimacy. Here are some opener questions:

• What are your preferences for physical touch, affection, and sexual expression?
• How comfortable are you discussing your sexual needs, kinks, fantasies, and desires with each other?
• How will you define and respect consent for physical intimacy and sexual activities?
• What are your expectations for safe sex practices and contraception?
• Are there any sexual history and potential risks for STIs we both should know about?
• How open are you to exploring different aspects of physical intimacy and sexuality together?

There can be many more questions about this and if you cannot be open about this beforehand, it might create problems in the future that can even lead to divorces.

You need to discuss your health and how you will take care of each other if one of you gets sick. Be open about all your history and health struggles if any. Consider the following queries.

• Are you allergic to anything?
• Do you have any chronic health conditions that I should be aware of?
• What medications do you currently take, if any?
• What is your attitude towards regular exercise, and how do you like to stay active?
• What are your typical sleep patterns, and do you have any sleep-related habits or issues?
• Are there any hereditary health conditions that run in your family?

Likewise, if one or both of you have any kind of mental health concerns, you both need to talk about that as well and figure out how to manage it. These questions will give you clarity on many things and stop to create many problems that may arise after marriage. Plus, all this information will keep you informed and will be easier in case of any emergencies later. You can build a lifestyle plan that will keep you both healthy and happy.

Everyone has specific hopes for their partner. Asking these questions can help build hopes of a stronger emotional bond and make sure both partners feel cherished and appreciated in ways that matter to them. Think about asking your partner these questions before getting married.

• How do you express and prefer to receive love (e.g., words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, physical touch, gifts)?
• What kind of emotional support do you need during challenging times?
• How often do you expect expressions of love and affection?
• How do you define quality time together, and how often do you expect it?
• How do you balance the need for independence with the desire for togetherness in a relationship?
• How do you see our love evolving over time?
• How can we support each other's emotional well-being?

This is one of the most important conversations to have before you both plan to get married. Both of you need to be familiar with your current financial situation and honest about what financial plans can get you both there, toward financial security.

Some people abstain from asking anything related to finances just for the fear that their partner may point them saying a "gold digger." Money doesn't matter love is just a big lie, love can't feed you throughout life, right? So, here are some questions you should ask.

• What is your current income, savings, and debt situation?
• How do you envision dividing financial roles and responsibilities?
• Who will be responsible for bill payments, investment management, and long-term financial planning?
• What are your views on investments and retirement planning?
• What types of insurance (life, health, property) do you currently have?
• How do you plan to manage insurance coverage as a couple?
• Are there specific expenses or savings priorities that you would like to discuss?

Just talking about financial history and income sources won't be enough if you don't have proper budgeting and financial planning. Especially if both of you are working individually, you may have shared expenses.

Thus, decide whether you'll have joint bank accounts, separate accounts, or a combination of both, and establish financial transparency.

• Do you have an emergency fund, and if so, how much do you think is necessary?
• How do you plan to handle unexpected financial challenges?
• How can you both work towards securing a comfortable retirement?
• How will you manage shared expenses, such as bills, groceries, and housing costs?

Many marriages fail when they do not have clear expectations regarding household responsibilities and gender roles in their shared home. Discussing it beforehand is important in ensuring a harmonious division of labor.

• What household chores do you enjoy or dislike?
• What are your expectations regarding the cleanliness of the home?
• How do you plan to handle cooking and meal preparation responsibilities?
• Are there specific items or brands that you prefer for groceries?
• Who will be responsible for handling home repairs and maintenance tasks?
• If you have or plan to have pets, how will you share responsibilities like feeding, grooming, and vet visits?
• Who will take the lead in decorating and organizing shared spaces?
• How do you feel about having guests over, and how often do you expect to host?

Many married couples want to have a child, but some don't feel that way, even though this is not very common. Talking about this before getting married is important to know each other's thoughts on having kids. This can be a delicate subject, so it's important to be patient and considerate with each other.

Here are some questions you must ask:

• Are there specific life milestones or goals that you want to achieve before having children?
• What methods of family planning are you comfortable with?
• Have you discussed fertility concerns or explored the possibility of fertility testing?
• How were you parented, and how might that influence your parenting style?
• How do you plan to share childcare responsibilities?
• How do you plan to ensure the safety and well-being of your child?
• How do you imagine involving extended family in your child's life?

You can talk about your interests and hobbies, and discover activities you both enjoy or can support each other in. It's important to find a balance between your personal hobbies and the time you spend together as a couple. Here are some topics related to hobbies you should think about.

• How do you typically spend your free time?
• What activities or pursuits bring you joy and fulfillment?
• Are there any hobbies or interests you've always wanted to try but haven't had the opportunity?
• How open are you to trying new activities or hobbies together?
• Are you willing to support and encourage each other's individual hobbies, even if they differ from your own?
• How will you ensure that both partners have enough time and space to pursue their personal passions?

Open communication about your individual travel aspirations, budget considerations, and preferred travel styles can help prevent conflicts, create a sense of shared excitement, and plan memorable adventures together.

Some questions to explore can be:

• Do you have any travel bucket lists or dream destinations?
• Are you interested in exploring new cultures and cuisines together?
• Are you open to adventurous experiences or prefer more relaxing travel styles?
• How do you prioritize travel expenses within your overall financial plan?
• Do you prefer spontaneous or planned trips?

Having open and clear discussions about travel tastes helps ensure that both partners are aware of each other's expectations, and it provides an opportunity to find common ground and compromise when necessary.

It may sound a little offensive but to keep your marriage strong, have an honest talk about cheating. It's causing problems for many couples. So discuss what loyalty and trust mean to you. Be clear about what both consider cheating, is it physical, or can emotional connections cross a line too? Talk about actions that might break trust, like hiding messages or getting too close to others.

Let's see some questions that you can ask:

• How do you define infidelity? What behaviors or actions would you consider infidelity?
• Do you differentiate between emotional and physical infidelity?
• What are your expectations for monogamy and faithfulness in a relationship?
• How important is monogamy to you? Are there any exceptions or circumstances you consider acceptable?
• What boundaries do you want to establish regarding communication with others, flirtation, and emotional attachments outside the relationship?

Having this conversation shows you are serious about making your marriage last and can prevent misunderstandings that could really hurt your relationship.

It's good to open up about tough stuff from your past before getting married. Share the hard things that you have been through, and listen when they share theirs. This helps you both understand where the person is coming from. When you know what your partner has dealt with, it's easier to be patient and caring. Talking about these experiences can bring you closer and make your relationship stronger. Just remember to be gentle with each other.

You can ask the following questions:

• What types of traumatic experiences have you had in your life?
• How have these experiences impacted your feelings, thoughts, and behaviors?
• What are your triggers or emotional cues that can bring back memories of your trauma?
• How has your trauma impacted your life, both personally and in relationships?
• What coping mechanisms have you developed to manage your trauma and its effects?

By initiating these conversations with empathy, understanding, and patience, you can strengthen your bond and create a space where both of you feel safe, supported, and loved.

Before you tie the knot, have a chat about food as well. Talk about what you love to eat and what your partner enjoys. Maybe you are all about spicy foods, while your partner craves non-spicy foods. Or you might be a vegetarian, and they are a meat lover. It's good to know these things early. That way, you won't end up arguing over what's for dinner every night.

Left your confusion behind and ask these questions:

• What are your thoughts on veganism or vegetarianism?
• How does your food preference impact your lifestyle?
• What are your expectations for food in a relationship?
• Are you open to trying new foods?
• What are your thoughts on healthy eating?
• What are your expectations for meals when we have guests?

It's fun to learn about each other's tastes.

Everyone thinks differently, and that’s okay. The same goes for social media, you might like posting a lot about your life online, while your partner prefers to keep things private. Respecting each other's wishes about privacy and social media posting can help your relationship stay strong. Remember, it’s about finding a balance that works for both of you.

Ask these questions first:

• Is it okay for you to exchange social site passwords?
• Are you comfortable with sharing your relationship status on social media?
• How often do you plan to post about your personal life on social media?
• Are you okay with your partner sharing pictures or updates about you without asking?
• What are your guidelines for accepting friend requests from ex-partners or people from the past?
• How do you feel about your partner tagging you in pictures or posts?
• Are you comfortable with your partner connecting with people of the opposite gender on social media?
• How do you feel about your partner commenting on others' posts, especially those of the opposite gender?

You may wonder why political views, but sometimes this can also create conflicts between spouses. These differences can influence everything from communication styles to decision-making processes within a marriage. When couples have divergent political views, it may reflect differences in their core values.

This can potentially cause challenges when making important decisions about family, career, and lifestyle choices. Here are some considerations and questions to explore:

• What political values and beliefs are most important to you?
• How politically engaged are you, and what forms of political participation do you find meaningful?
• Are you open to participating in political activities together, such as attending rallies or volunteering for causes?
• Do you affiliate with a particular political party, or do you consider yourself an independent?
• Are there specific policy positions that are non-negotiable for you?
• Are there any family expectations or traditions related to politics that you feel strongly about?
• How do you envision teaching children about political issues and fostering political awareness in the family?

Now let's talk about fighting fair in relationships. It's super important to figure out how you'll handle arguments before you tie the knot. Here are several reasons why addressing conflict resolution is important:

• Can you share an example of a past conflict and how it was resolved or not resolved?
• What are your typical responses to conflict or disagreements?
• How do you prefer to communicate during disagreements? Are there specific communication styles that work best for you?
• What does a healthy resolution look like to you?
• Do you prefer to address conflicts immediately, or do you need time and space to process them before discussing them?
• What are some behaviors or words that you find hurtful during conflicts?
• How do you feel about seeking external support, such as couples counseling, during challenging times?

Understanding each other's natural tendencies can provide insights into how conflicts may unfold. Similarly, establishing boundaries for respectful communication helps create a safe environment for discussing disagreements.